Pyramid Head's Bad Romance
by AWarriorsWounds
Summary: When a nurse finds an iPod, she and her friends find themselves in a very sticky situation with Pyramid Head. Rating will possibly go up.
1. The Finding

**Hello again! This is my first SH fic! I do not own the IPod, Lady Gaga, or SH/Konami.**

**LET'S GET SPOOFIN**

A nurse with a scalpel clenched in one diseased hand crept down the halls of Alchemilla Hospital, jerking and twitching the entire way. Echoing quietly was the unmistakable sound of a female voice, drawing her to it like flies to rotting flesh. Her delicate knife ought to work just fine, if the woman did not have a gun or pipe and the Bubblehead Nurse could land a slice to the throat. Pyramid Head was _always _getting the thrill of killing, surely he wouldn't mind just one person snatched away from him...? Anyway, she could always give him the body afterwards to skin and make a spiffy new flesh skirt- "IT'S A _KILT,"_ the nurse nicknamed Bubbly could almost hear him roar- or whatever it was he liked to do with corpses. She shuddered, remembering her friend, the Lying Figure.

She was drawn forward by the tantalizing cries, music to her guaze-wrapped ears. Through her heavy bandages, she could see the doorknob of a heavy metal door. The human was just inside, but also in there would be Fleshy, the top Flesh Lips. No one dared challenge _him, _but no one knew quite as well as Bubbly that he was afraid of nurses.

Bubbly burst inside, finding the lower legs of what appeared to be a man or a very hairy female disappearing into Fleshy's undulating maw, shoes and all. They were long dead; Bubbly couldn't even offer to help stab the human to death to make the eating proccess easier.

"What are you doing?" she yowled, raising her scalpel and stomping a foot indignantly.

"Eating," Fleshy rumbled, relaxing in his metal cage suspended from the ceiling. His fat folds bulged out from between the metal bars. "Human males aren't nearly as tender as females. Women are _truly _succulent."

Bubbly, fearless in her confidence that Flesh Lips liked her too much to strangle her on the spot, staggered forward to stand beneath him, arms crossed with the point of her scalpel buried in her side.

"That was to be my kill," she snarled.

"All's fair in Silent Hill," Fleshy singsonged, burping and releasing a tennis shoe. "But if you want, the male dropped an object I believe you and your spastic friends would appreciate."

"What is it?" Bubbly tried to sound aloof and not interested, failing comically.

"I have no idea, but it keeps repeating itself. Listen." Fleshy went silent.

_Rah, rah, rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma-ma, Gaga, oh-la-la, want your bad romance, _sang a small device half-hidden under an overturned table.

Without hesitation, Bubbly pounced.

The object she returned with was a flamboyantly pink, thin rectangle of plastic, bearing an apple-shaped insignia and "iPod" in thick white letters.

_Want your bad romance! _it squealed. She fell in love, and after a moment's admiration, Bubbly stuffed it down her shirt (for safekeeping, of course...) with the intent of showing it to her nurse friends later on.

"Thanks, Fleshy." She left the room.

_Better than killing any day,_ she thought, content with her shiny find.

"I knew something tasted queer about that one," Fleshy snickered upon seeing the very bright "iPod-" whatever it was.

Bubbly was in such a good mood that she spasmed right out the door, straight into Red Pyramid Thing, also known as Red, face pressed against his bare stomach.

"Move," she growled to the much larger monster, reeling back.

"What's that you've got there?" Shameless, Red was staring down her revealing top.

"Why are you looking, jerk?" Bubbly, furious, stomped his feet with her stilettos and smacked him in the face- or rather, his helmet. She ignored the stinging pain she brought upon herself, using the uninjured hand to slice her scalpel across his upper arm.

"No need to get testy," Red laughed, hardly fazed. "If you wear clothes like that, you're asking for it."

Bubbly stormed away, shoes clicking as she went. Red sighed and shook his head, sauntering off down the hall, the tip of his spear squeaking on the linoleum tiles.

The nurse was still fuming as she reached the end of a corridor, turning left into a room used for a nurse gathering area. Three nurses, a Dark Nurse, an Arcade Nurse, and a Puppet Nurse sat in ominous silence, slumped over and motionless.

"Hey! Wake up!" Bubbly cried.

The nurses flinched and slashed at each other with their knives, landing a few good gashes before settling down, moaning softly.

"What?" Twitchy, the Dark Nurse and one of the tallest nurses, asked.

"You'll never guess what I found!" Bubbly tittered, bouncing excitedly.

"Uhfugh?" Puppet, obviously the Puppet Nurse, questioned in that daft way of hers. She was a slouching, pitiful creature whose parasite (lovingly nicknamed Vampire) had drained every spark of intelligence from her dull eyes.

"Go on, tell!" Arcade, the final nurse, was a brilliant, hyperactive young thing with a secret affection for Red. She had to admit with great displeasure that he was more interested in Mannequins and Lying Figures than some garden-variety Arcade Nurse. Mannequins were all legs- no one could compete with _them._

"I found..." Bubbly panted. "I found..."

"Spit it out," Twitchy giggled.

"Yes, do!" Arcade shifted from foot to foot.

"Yergh," Puppet mumbled her agreement.

"I found..." Bubbly began. "An _iPod!"_


	2. The Stolen iPod

**Soooo...I'm back! This is SPARTA-oh, wait, it's Chapter 2. Enjoy. :D (P.S. I do not own an iPod, therefore I know nothing about them. Sorry if I get a lot of things- okay, everything- wrong. XD )**

"An..._iPod?" _Arcade stopped bouncing a few seconds before her breasts and dishwater-blonde hair. "What's that?"

Bubbly paused. She didn't know, either. "Uh...it plays...music."

"Let's hear it," Twitchy suggested, flopping down on a cushioned chair and stirring up a cloud of dust.

"Yeargh," Puppet agreed, standing in the center of the room with her head down.

"I turned it off somehow when I put it down my shirt, now I'm not sure how to turn it back on." Bubbly shook the device, staring at the black screen.

"It's so cool!" Arcade squealed, touching the gleaming exterior with a filthy hand.

"Don't touch it, you'll get grime all over it." Bubbly nudged the younger nurse's arm away.

"What does this do?" Arcade questioned, jabbing a long button on the side of the iPod with a blood-caked finger.

"I told you don't touch-" Bubbly began, stopping herself when the device whirred to life, the screen brightening and displaying a list of words. The title of the list was "FABULOUS TUNES."

"And this was a guy's?" she snickered, wondering about the use of the word 'fabulous' and the rainbow stickers plastered all over the iPod's front.

"Lemme see," Twitchy laughed, jerking over to get a good look. "Who'd you kill to gt this?"

"No one," Bubbly replied ruefully. "Fleshy got the owner of this iPod, but he let me have this."

Arcade let out a low whistle, muffled by gauze. "I should hang around Fleshy more often," she sighed, "because Red doesn't even give me the time of day. I don't know what he sees in Mannequins and Lying Figures."

"You're not struggling hard enough. He just thinks you're weird if _you _come on to _him." _Twitchy put a comforting arm around Arcade's bony shoulder. "But honey, you're just setting yourself up for an abusive relationship. Look what he did to those mannequins, and that poor Lying Figure."

"He's so amazing he can do it with his clothes on," she sighed wistfully.

"You're hopeless." Twitchy shoved Arcade away.

"Here it is!" Bubbly shrieked suddenly. "'Bad Romance- Lady Gaga.'"

"What kind of nurse name is _that?"_ Arcade snorted in disbelief.

"She's a human, blondie," Twitchy muttered, bopping her upside the head lightly.

"Shhh!" Bubbly held up her hand for silence. From the iPod came a soft tune, a brief pause, a few unintelligible howls, and finally, words.

_Rah, rah-ah-ah, roma, roma-ma-ma, Gaga, oh-la-la, want your bad romance. _It was exactly as Bubbly remembered.

"Nurgh," Puppet gurgled her approval.

_I want your horror, I want your disease,_ the box sang, _I want your everything as long as it's free, I want your love. Love, love, love, I want your love._

"Awesome," Arcade giggled.

"Someone call for a bad romance?" Red swaggered in, spear slung over his broad shoulder. Dressed in a filthy butcher's smock that clung to his musclebound frame perfectly, he was striking; however, fresh blood dripped from his arms and helmet.

"Red!" Arcade whirled around on tiptoes, the happiness in her voice apparent. She inched forward towards him, swinging her hips. And, was it just Bubbly, or did one more button on Arcade's shirt just _magically _come undone?

_Showoff, _Bubbly thought.

Red didn't seem to mind. He was distracted by the power of Arcade's chest and amazing body, until Twitchy placed both hands on his chest to push him away.

"Down, boy," she snarled. Red wouldn't budge.

"What's the rush, ladies?" he rumbled. "I'll behave."

"This is the nurse's gathering area," Bubbly hissed, pushing Puppet behind her protectively. "You know where others of your kind go."

"The Prison, I know," Red muttered mutinously. Faster than a lightning strike, one bloodstained hand shot forward, snagging the iPod from Bubbly. "Oh, how pretty."

"Hey, that's ours!" she protested, jumping to snatch it back. Red held it high above their heads, standing at least a foot taller than even Twitchy.

"And I thought you girls didn't like pink," he teased.

"We found it," Bubbly explained hurriedly. "Some guy Fleshy killed had it."

"I bet it was James," Red sneered. "I always knew he was a pansy."

"That doesn't matter now. The iPod is ours, so I suggest you drop it." Twitchy squared off to him bravely.

"Correction, _mine," _Red teased, dangling the object just out of her reach.

"What do you think all your buddies will say when they see what a girly accessory you have?" Bubbly surreptitiously switched her inferior scalpel for Puppet's much better dagger. "'Oh, I always figured Red swung that way,'" she mocked.

Without missing a beat, Red wiped his bloody smock on the iPod, eliciting a mutter of, "You're disgusting, Red." from Twitchy.

"He's not disgusting," Arcade defended the Pyramid Head hotly.

"There. Not so girly anymore." Red held out a newly-stained pink iPod triumphantly.

Bubbly swiftly moved in, sinking the dagger into the smock around mid-thigh and sawing away at the thick, white cloth. When she was finished, the fabric fell to the floor and revealed legs that nearly sent Arcade into a swoon. Even Twitchy and Bubbly had to admit they were kind of hot. Red's muscular, strong legs had splatters of blood on the tough, leather-colored skin.

"There. Now you have a miniskirt to match your little girly iPod." Bubbly smirked beneath her bandages.

"Not pretty when you're going commando." Red smirked beneath his helmet.

"I beg to differ," Arcade stated matter-of-factly.

Silence greeted her words. Red used the momentary distraction to his advantage, slinking off down the hall.

"Sorry, but I can't stay and chat!" He took off, the spear forgotten. The same could not be said for the iPod.

"I question his masculinity if he remembers a bright pink trinket and not a badass spear." Bubbly investigated the lightweight weapon, taller than she was in high heels.

"He's got a Great Knife, but I must agree, he sort of castrated himself by his own hand there." Twitchy flicked a bit of entrails from the sharp point. "Maybe that's why he isn't interested in Arcade!"

Arcade sniffled.

"Sorry, hon," Twitchy sighed, hugging the nurse close to her chest, "but he has a preference in men."

"So, how do we plan on getting the iPod back?" Bubbly asked, sitting down on a wooden table.

"Wherg iz me to nergh?" Puppet suggested.

Bubbly and Twitchy glanced at each other.

"That just might work." Twitchy nodded.

"I think it will," Bubbly agreed. "Good work, Puppet."

The hunched-over nurse beamed.

"This isn't like that time she wanted you two to sacrifice me to the Order, is it?" Arcade asked nervously, shifting her weight onto the foot furthest from Puppet.

_"I'll get you yet," _the older nurse hissed.

"Did no one else here that?" The other two had started off down the hall. "Guys! Don't leave me alone with her!"

Arcade turned to look behind her, expecting to see Puppet still standing in the dark, cluttered room. She wasn't. When she straightened, there was Puppet.

_"Going somewhere?" _she hissed.

Arcade pushed past her and bounded after Bubbly and Twitchy. "Dear God, _wait up!"_

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I really hope you enjoyed it enough to review. :D *nudge nudge***


	3. Separation

**Step right in to AWW's third part of the Silent Hill parody! I needed a week off. So...busy...so...tired...**

**Anyway, enjoy! :D**

Red walked aimlessly through Alchemilla Hospital, transfixed by the shiny object he so kindly liberated from the nurses. He lost his spear doing so, but whatever. The thing was a cheap replacement for the Great Knife James had...so kindly liberated from the Pyramid Head.

"Now, how did they do this again?" he wondered aloud. He searched and searched for a way to power up the iPod to no avail. "Lame little piece of plastic."

Nearly clotheslining himself on several doorways and almost tripping on about a million stray items, Red finally gave up on turning the thing on. What use did he have for it, if he couldn't even work it? He could hum the tune for "Eye of the Tiger" when killing or maiming someone, and his own rich voice was all he would ever need.

Red briefly thought about throwing the iPod aside and leaving it for the nurses to find, only to have that idea pushed away by another. He could hold the device up for ransom! Smirking at his own cunning, he silently tallied the number of "special favors" he could receive from Puppet alone.

_Good Lord. _He slapped his palm against his metal helmet. Puppet? _She's the best you can do? _he berated himself.

Red chuckled darkly, tightening his grip on the iPod. Oh, yes. He would have all the hot nurses he wanted.

oOoOoOo

Arcade traded her flimsy scalpel for a rotting plank with a nail in one end, jerking her head from side to side in search of Puppet. Her heart pounded frantically, as she knew the creepy Puppet Nurse could be anywhere.

"Bubbly?" Her voice came out as a hoarse squeak. "Twitchy?"

_Skreeeeee. _ That was the dreadful screech of a door in dire need of some oil. Arcade found herself hoping someone, even Tina or Eric, was on the other side of that door. _Anyone but Puppet!_

"Hello?" she murmured, readying the plank for action.

_"Hello, Arcade. Looking for me?" _Puppet sprang into the hallway, blocking the other nurse's path.

_Thwack! _The plank met Puppet's back with a spray of blood and unidentifiable black ooze. The parasite, Vampire, screamed in protest.

Arcade bounded onwards, not even bothering to stomp on her fallen 'comrade.' A deceased Puppet would be hard to explain to Bubbly and Twitchy, since Harry was long gone.

When the backs of two nurses came into view, staggering swiftly, Arcade dropped her weapon in relief.

"Bubbly! Twitchy!" She laughed giddily.

Bubbly and Twitchy turned around, slashing randomly with their small blades.

"Oh. It's you." Bubbly dropped her arm, though Twitchy continued to hack away. "Watch it, jerk!" she hissed at the flighty nurse, who had just landed a long gash reaching into the muscle of Bubbly's bicep.

"Sorry." Twitchy calmed down enough to quit flailing.

"Have you had any luck finding the iPod?" Arcade questioned.

"Uh...no," replied Bubbly. "We haven't found any signs of Red, either."

"Where could he have gone? He moves like a sloth. I don't see how he's always able to catch Mannequins and Lying Figures at half a mile an hour," Bubbly grumbled.

"Shh!" Bubbly slapped her hand over her friend's face to quiet her. _"He can hear us."_

"Really?" Twitchy's voice was muffled.

"I don't know." Bubbly removed her hand. "But we need to make up a plan."

"What kind of plan?" Arcade was apprehensive. "It doesn't involve a blood sacrifice to the Order, does it?"

"Let it go," Twitchy sighed heavily. "That was once, when Puppet still hated you. She's warmed up to you now."

_"No she hasn't," _insisted Arcade, who ducked and glanced around like a startled squirrel.

"We should split up," Bubbly suggested.

"Let's don our red shirts while we're at it," Twitchy snorted.

"W-who do I go with?" Arcade hugged herself tightly, as though she were cold.

"Puppet." With the mention of that harpy's name, Arcade lost the affection she had for Bubbly.

"Sorry." Twitchy shrugged, pivoting and bouncing away. "Good luck!"

"B-but d-d-don't we g-get to discuss wh-what were d-doing?" Arcade shrieked, desperate.

"Looking for Red. We'll meet in the Nurse Gathering Room later, okay?" With that, Bubbly and Twitchy disappeared around a corner.

_"Hello again, Arcade." _Puppet's voice grated Arcade's bandaged ears.

Arcade jumped in terror, tearing off down the hall. "Goodbye!" she cried.

Puppet's bony hand wrapped around the dropped plank. _"Hehehe. You shouldn't have dropped this, my pretty."_

"Uh...did you hear something?" Twitchy could have sworn she'd heard a person speaking.

"Nope," Bubbly replied. "We shall enter... the _Labyrinth."_

**You like? :) See you next time on... **_**Pyramid Head's Bad Romance.**_


	4. Planning

**Welcome back. :) Not much to say here...ummm... I don't always write Fanfiction, but when I do, it's about Pyramid Head stealing an iPod.**

**Guess what, guys? NEW CHARACTER, as requested. ;)**

"The Labyrinth?" Twitchy, a relatively new nurse when compared to Bubbly and Puppet, had no idea what the Labyrinth was. She sensed she was in for a girthy story of the mythology of Silent Hill.

"The Labyrinth is a seriously huge maze underneath the Toluca Prison." Okay, maybe not. "I hear that Red lives in the lower level."

"Whoa, back up. _A maze?"_ Twitchy cried.

"Yup. What's the matter, you don't like mazes?" Bubbly teased good-naturedly.

"No...I get lost." Twitchy wrung her hands shamefully.

"That's the purpose of a maze, silly!" Bubbly giggled. "Now, do you want the iPod back or not?"

"Well, yes, but can't you go with someone else?" Twitchy asked. "Arcade, perhaps?"

"This will be a good experience for you," Bubbly replied.

"Now you just sound like my mother," Twitchy muttered. "And how do you think we'll be able to find our way through one level of the Labyrinth, all the way to Red's place, and back up again?"

"Oh," Bubbly chortled, "I know exactly who can help us."

oOoOoOo

Arcade was not good at reasoning with others, particularly others who wanted her skull beaten in with a plank.

"Puppet," she breathed desperately, "just...put the weapon down. I'm not your enemy." The nurse bolted frantically, trying to prevent the Puppet Nurse from cornering her.

_"I'm sorry for making your life miserable..." _Puppet hissed. _"Why don't you come here and give old Puppet a hug?"_

"I'd rather not," Arcade squeaked, eyeing up the closed door to the operating room.

_How did I ever get myself stuck here? _she wondered. _Oh, yeah... I thought I heard Bubbly calling me from in here, but _nooo... _Puppet _has _to be good at impersonating other nurses!_

_"Am I scaring you, my dear?"_ Puppet questioned in her sickly-sweet voice.

"Hell yes," Arcade cried. "Put the plank down, and we can search for Red."

_"Shut up, you witch!" _Puppet roared, startling the Arcade Nurse. _"You ruined my life the _second _you arrived. Do you know what it's like to be ignored and swept under the carpet because of some newcomer?"_

"We can talk this out," Arcade gasped, her hand clenching tightly around the drip stand she was pinned against.

_"Over my dead body," _Puppet snarled.

Arcade allowed Puppet to close in by a few strides before shutting her eyes and flinging the drip stand. It was surprisingly heavy, but it clapped Puppet's shoulder and made her reel back. Arcade bounded away over the other nurse's fallen figure, the heels of her dirty white shoes digging in.

_"Get back here!" _Puppet made a futile effort to snatch Arcade's bony ankle.

"See you later!" Arcade threw her weight against the door; it opened very slowly. She bounced out, giddy with relief, and slammed the door shut. She wheeled a gurney in front of the door- just in case.

Arcade could finally relax and search for Red without worrying about Puppet springing from a dark corner and murdering her.

_Whew, _she thought, _I'm finally away from that old hag. _

_"Hello, Arcade." _Puppet glared at Arcade from the center of the hallway.

"H-how... I-I..." Arcade stuttered, backing away like she had been punched in the gut.

_"No one locks Puppet up," _Puppet sneered, bolting forward with incredible speed.

Arcade screeched in terror, wheeling around and dashing away like a spooked rabbit.

oOoOoOo

Twitchy eyed the bloodstained room apprehensively, noting the various, chopped-up monsters lying around. There were far more creatures than just the ones who had terrorized Travis Grady strewn about: Smogs, Raw Shocks, Lurkers, and worst of all, _nurses, _undressed and disemboweled.

"You're sure this is safe?" she asked Bubbly, jumping back when a massive Feral lunged forward.

"Of course," Bubbly replied, bending over to greet the Feral- a male, by the looks of it. "Hi, Fluffy! How are you today?" The Feral licked her hands, tail wagging.

Twitchy hung back.

"It's okay." Bubbly straightened so the skinned dog could greet the other nurse. "He's friendly."

"Why is... Fluffy... here?" Twitchy questioned, letting the Feral get used to her scent.

"Y'know my buddy, Zerox? The Butcher?" Bubbly entered the cramped room, dodging the meat hook suspended from the ceiling.

"I know all your strange monster friends," Twitchy deadpanned.

"Fluffy is Zerox's pet," Bubbly informed her wary companion.

"And how can Zerox help us?" Twitchy stroked Fluffy's back, wincing at how strange it felt to be touching exposed muscle without fur or skin covering it.

"He kind of had a stalker-crush on Red a few years ago when he found the map James made of the Labyrinth. He used it to find Red's home and...well, you'll see. Yo, Zerox!"

"What?" groaned a deep voice. From around a corner came a large Butcher, lugging a crusty Great Cleaver. Twitchy noticed instantly the thick scar tissue spiraling up his abdomen and arms. "Oh, hey, Bubbly. Who's your friend?"

"Twitchy. She's a Dark nurse," Bubbly introduced the two. "So, Twitch, do you see what happens when Red gets mad?"

"Ummm..."

"Yeah, Zerox broke into Red's home-"

"He left it _unlocked,_" Zerox defended himself.

"As I was saying, Zerox paid Red an unwelcome visit, and he got strung up with barbed wire for punishment."

"Ouch."

"Damn right." Bubbly nodded. "Anyway, Zerox, I was wondering if you could help us find our way into the Labyrinth."

_"What?" _Zerox's voice was full of disbelief.

"You see, Red stole a very valuable item of ours," Bubbly explained pleadingly. "You are the only one who can navigate the Labyrinth safely."

"Get one of the Mannequins to guide you," Zerox rumbled, preparing to leave the two nurses behind.

"They quake in fear if you even _mention _Red." Bubbly tried to intercept the larger monster. "Pleeeease?" she begged, standing on tiptoes and gazing up at him through her bandages.

Zerox was totally silent for some of the longest seconds in Bubbly's and Twitchy's lives, until he finally shook his head in defeat.

"Fine," he acquiesced. "I'll probably regret this, but I can take you through the upper level and halfway to Red's lair. I won't come any further."

Bubbly flung her arms around Zerox's torso. "Thank you so much!" she squeaked happily.

"Should we go get Arcade and Puppet to come with?" Twitchy pointed to the door while Fluffy humped her leg.

"Fluffy, where are your manners?" Zerox scolded. "You're not Red, you bad boy!"

"Nah," Bubbly replied to Twitchy. "I'm sure they'll be fine."

oOoOoOo

The two nurses were _not _fine. Not even close. They had taken their fight to the streets, Arcade running for her life as Puppet hurled various things at her- scalpels, fire axes, portable televisions, even boxes of butter cake.

Arcade was about to give up and just let Puppet close in on her, but she found a perfect hiding place: a garage in Old Silent Hill.

_Safety! _she thought, relief crashing over her body. She raced for it as Puppet staggered ever closer; Arcade struggled to open it. An ax wedged itself into the metal door, just inches from her head, followed by a swarm of butter cake packages.

Finally, just as Puppet prepared to throw a portable television, the door had opened just enough for Arcade to roll inside. Puppet stuck her hand under the door, only to get her fingers caught when Arcade slammed it down forcefully. The nurse screeched in pain and withdrew her poor, bruised hand.

Arcade leaned herself against a wall, finally safe. Her heart thumped madly, and she was suddenly aware of another figure hunched in a corner.

"H-hello?" she cried, praying it would not be Puppet.

"Hi," the timid voice responded. "Who are you?"

"Arcade," the nurse replied. "And you?"

"Emilie."

**Thank you for reading. :)**


	5. Into the Labyrinth

**To clear some things up, I just realized I have the same name as the second new character (slightly different) so before anyone thinks I'm now writing myself into my own fics, **_**My Immortal**_** style, Emilie is from Silent Hill: The Arcade. *mutters about game never being released in US***

**Wait... how would you know my name? **

**This got awkward fast. Just read, alright? :) (And please excuse the errors I'm sure to make in the description of the Labyrinth. It's been a while since I've actually seen it firsthand.)**

"Are you looking for someone?" Arcade quaked in fear, still shaken up from her violent run-in with Puppet.

"Y-yes." Emilie couldn't see a thing in the pitch black of the cramped building. The terrified girl scooted underneath a work bench, finding a wrench that she could use if the situation turned ugly. Hopefully Tina's lesson, everything and anything is a weapon, would ring true.

"Who?" Arcade noted the glint of silver and became unwilling to get closer.

"Eric L-Lake and Tina..." Emilie's voice sounded suspicious. "Who are you looking for?"

"Not who, what," Arcade spoke softly, as she heard scuffling from outside. It could just be a Creeper, doing its creeping thing, or it could be... she shuddered at the thought. "I'm looking for an iPod."

"Not an iPad? Get with the technology," Emilie scoffed.

"i-_What?_" Arcade tilted her head.

"So it's not an iPod Touch?"

"The only touching I know is Red and his Lying Figures. Speaking of Red, he is the one who stole our iPod," Arcade responded. There was a whole... iCollection... out in the real world? How come Silent Hill never had nice things?

"Red?" Emilie tilted her head.

"How about you come with me, and I'll explain everything while we look for Eric and Tina?" Arcade stood, preparing to exit.

"Alright." Emilie walked up reluctantly to the nurse's side, her delicate hand wrapping around Arcade's cold, bony one.

oOoOoOo

Puppet was not used to losing her prey. Once she had the scent, she was on the trail like a foxhound with freakish climbing abilities. That was one thing hardly anyone knew about puppet nurses: they can jump six feet from a standstill and scale great heights. Of course, the ones who knew were dead. And people thought it was _the Order _who had done Harry Mason in.

She settled herself on a rooftop, comfortable on her perch. Behind the wind and shrouded in fog, no one would ever see her until she flew down, sinking razor-sharp teeth into the soft flesh of their neck... It wasn't Puppet's fault she was so bitter. She could actually be nice, but Arcade brought out the inner murderess in her. She would not rest until she claimed the life of the demon who had ruined hers.

_My time shall come, _she promised herself, her eaglelike talons digging mercilessly into the shingles as though they were the skin of the nurse she hated so much.

oOoOoOo

Twitchy gulped loudly, woozy as she stared at the black maw yawning in front of her. She was all alone in the Silent Hill Historical Society, as Bubbly and Zerox had long since jumped down.

"C'mon," Zerox called, "James had no problem with this!"

"You can do it, Twitch-o!" Bubbly encouraged, her voice echoing.

"I'llll... guard the hole..." Twitchy backed up.

"Be that way. Fluffy, here boy!" Zerox called his Feral in.

Twitchy was suddenly aware of about one-hundred pounds of bulging muscle barreling into her, flinging her headfirst towards an unforgiving concrete surface in his blind pursuit of fulfilling his master's wish. She screeched in terror as the floor rushed up at her, but her freefall was broken by a soft cushion. Twitchy lay traumatized as Fluffy shook himself off and returned to Zerox.

"Get off of me." Bubbly's command was muted.

So it wasn't a cushion after all. It was really another nurse.

"Oh, sorry. Are you alright?"

"My butt will never recover, but yes, totally peachy," Bubbly remarked caustically.

Twitchy extended a hand to help her up, but Bubbly turned it down. They brushed themselves off, one shooting apologetic glances at the other and the other a cold glare.

"C'mon, ladies or whatever the hell you are, we've still got about three holes to jump down," Zerox chuckled, patting Fluffy's head; the dog's eyes were half-lidded in happiness.

"Can we go back up?" Twitchy whined, shuffling beneath the hole in the floor and staring up at it. If she found a ladder and was able to control her spasms (and take off her God-awful heels), she could return to the museum.

"I don't know how you can. The ceiling's gotta be at least ten feet tall. You plan on growing some?" Zerox chuckled, striding on through a hall of identical prison cells.

"I'll hang back." Twitchy's voice quaked. "Please? I really don't want to encounter Red."

"You're more likely to see Red where you are-" Bubbly began.

"-Than in his actual _home?_" Twitchy cut her off angrily.

"Fluffy, go get her." Zerox waved away his dog.

The broad-shouldered Feral bounded, tongue lolling and tail wagging, to Twitchy. She tried coaxing him away by saying, "Zerox is leaving you, Fluffy!"

That did not deter Fluffy. When his master commanded him to do something, he was going to do it, whether it be running through Alex Shepherd's gunfire to return to him or just trotting back when he strayed on a stroll. In his powerful jaws, he snagged the hem of Twitchy's short skirt and hauled her on, like a draft horse straining into its harness.

"Bad boy!" she scolded, hearing the seams give way as she leaned back. "Fine." Twitchy, defeated, followed Fluffy to the unlikely group.

"That's my little Fluffy," Zerox praised his beloved pet.

**Sorry for the lack of activity. I would've published sooner, but in a moment of pure inspiration, Dad took it upon himself to restart the modem. Long story short, the Interwebz are not functioning correctly. New Notepad entries and Solitaire ensued. *loses game seven times* SCREW IT, I'M PLAYING MINESWEEPER. (I won fourteen games using screenshots and "Restart this game." Maybe next time I'll use my brain! :D )**


	6. When the Hunters Become the Hunted

**Guess what, reader?**

**Yes, you! Amazing reader!**

**The Game.**

**Now that I've gotten that out of the way, here's the fourth installment of Pyramid Head's Bad Romance!**

Arcade found it infuriatingly difficult to keep up with Emilie as they sneaked through the narrow streets of Old Silent Hill. Her muscles refused to cooperate, one leg going left while the other leg wanted to go right; the ridiculous heels, part of Alchemilla's dress code as well as lingerie-wrapped legs and skin-tight, revealing uniforms. Emilie bounded ahead of the nurse easily, stopping every so often to tap her foot impatiently.

"Are you comin'?" She sounded more and more agitated.

"Shhh!" Arcade ducked, eyeing the rooftops of fog-enveloped houses in fear. Puppet could literally be _anywhere. _

"What are you so afraid of?" Emilie skipped forward and touched Arcade's shaking hand comfortingly.

_"Her," _Arcade whimpered.

"Who's _her_?" Emilie cocked a dark eyebrow.

"Puppet." Arcade leaned down and whispered the name in the young girl's ear, afraid Puppet would hear her name spoken and swoop in like an overweight bat.

"Is Puppet like you?" Emilie inquired sweetly.

"She's much, much meaner. Puppet is very, very dangerous. What is the most dangerous thing in the world to you?"

"Umm... Tina told me to be afraid of this big red guy with a metal helmet."

"Yeah, Red has more morals than that old hag. When he's not raaa... um, hugging... Lying Figures. Even he knows not to kill children, or at least I think he does. If Puppet wants you dead, she'll kill you."

Emilie's eyes widened, and all she uttered was a squeak.

"The more you know." Arcade shrugged and spasmed on.

oOoOoOo

The misty figure hunched against a wall, animalistic in its predatory stance with the gleam of murder in her black stare. She occasionally made small, chirruping sounds, her bluish hands twisting around the worn handle of a fire ax left too long in the rain. Its hefty blade was bloody and chipped, but a quick test on the bare flesh of the back of the creature's hand revealed it was still functionally sharp. Crimson gushed to the surface and trickled down the sides and between the bony fingers.

_Blood _she whispered without moving her mouth or even using her vocal chords. _Blood of enemies_

_You will taste it soon enough _promised Vampire, pulsing on her back.

_Won't it be delicious _she chortled. _I'll make her pay_

_She does not belong in our town _the parasite agreed. _She belongs in Japan_

_Don't start_

_I bet she has slanty eyes under those bandages_

_Jesus Christ you're starting_

_Dang straight I am_

_You're such a racist How did I get stuck with you_

_Consider yourself lucky_

Puppet rolled her eyes. Through experience, she learned to tune out Vampire when he got started on his supremacy rants. _Maybe, if I use this ax, I can cut him off..._

_I heard that_

_Leave me alone_

_Parasite power I am the last remaining Klansman of Silent Hill_

_God Vampire I hope you don't say that in public Who would even admit crap like that_

_I would_

oOoOoOo

Red was an immobile fixture in the Silent Hill Historical Society. He could've been a lifelike wax figure, if one did not see the rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed in and out, just staring at a painting: 'Remains of Judgement.' He was no art connoisseur, but he was pretty sure he looked sexy, brandishing his spear with dead bodies hanging from cages. He remembered the hours of modeling and the Lying Figures he'd murdered, and the Flesh Lips he killed to steal those cages from...

He straightened and turned, as agile as a school bus making a sharp U-turn, with one last approving glance at his picture, running a gloved hand over its dusty surface.

_I'm such a stud muffin, _he thought, barging through the glass door. He made no effort to open it, the metal frame groaning in protest before buckling on itself. He walked right on, the butt of his spear scraping over the ground. He was so satisfied with himself that he figured he deserved a cigarette for his rapier (that word sent his mind to bad places, bad places where absolutely everything was hot) wit in hiding the iPod in the Labyrinth. It was of no use to him, but knowing those determined nurses, they would risk life and limb for something when they had their minds set on it. They would walk right to his doorstep, if they didn't get lost in his abode first.

He halted for a while, deep in thought. His talents were best suited for murdering and violating, not stalking. Zerox, his creeper friend, was definitely good at that, but he was _also _friends with Bubbly. He couldn't trust the Butcher, no matter how strangely devoted he was to Red. And he was _very _strangely devoted. Not even barbed wire could shatter the bond Zerox had with Red. Seriously, the guy took pictures of Red Pyramid Thing changing his smocks.

_And he wonders why I brought out the wire. _Red was beside himself with indignance.

Anyway, he sucked at following his prey. He preferred to kill them or assault them brutally and get it over with. He was not a patient fellow, but he knew someone who was. And who wasn't a freakish stalker.

"'Yo, Cracker!" he boomed to the sky.

_"White Hunter," _corrected a deep voice with a heavy Russian accent; the owner of the velvety voice was nowhere in sight.

"Get down here, I've got a job for you."

From the top of a tall building soared a massive, foggy shape. He hit the ground as loud as a clap of thunder in a graceful position, fingers just grazing the blacktop and legs stretched. His blade, a smaller version of the Great Knife, was hoisted with the ruthless, gleaming tip in the air over the chalky white helmet of a pale Pyramid Head.

"Show off," mumbled Red.

**OoOOoOOoO, new character! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next shall come soon, do not fret.**


	7. Challenges Issued

**As promised... Pyramid Head's Bad Romance. *womp womp wooooomp***

**That probably wasn't the best sound effect.**

Six feet sloshed in the damp, cold underground, one masculine and two feminine figures. The Dark Nurse, Twitchy, hung close to Bubbly, who followed Zerox fearlessly.

"If you look to your right, you can see a wall. If you look to your left, you see another wall, but you'll notice there's a random red square on it," Zerox audited their sojourn.

"What are you doing?" asked Bubbly.

"I have to make this interesting somehow." The Butcher shrugged, but stopped anyway.

There was much background noise in the Labyrinth, such as the pervasive _drip, drip _of water echoing through the endless tunnels. At Twitchy's heels trotted Fluffy, tail waving, tongue lolling. His shoulder muscles glided smoothly under a translucent membrane and the dim light in the tunnels shimmered on his savage set of fangs. He provided a decent amount of comfort to Twitchy- Fluffy's deadly claws and teeth ensured only the most insane of creatures would dare pester him.

The ground ended suddenly in a wide hole, going unnoticed until the two nurses plunged into its open maw. Zerox, who had clearly been expecting it, steered himself and Fluffy off to the side.

"And if you look at the floor, you'll see a hole," he stated.

"A bit too late to warn us," Bubbly called up.

"Hey, it was the only way I was going to get the tall one down."

Twitchy mumbled murderously under her breath, crawling on her bony hands and knees, scrabbling in the pitch black. Her palms slid on the disgusting slime that sprouted in the fecund water, and the stench of rot was particularly thick.

"I can't see a thing!" she groused, searching for Bubbly. She sat back, looking about, vague shapes materializing around her as she grew accustomed to the darkness. A figure, slightly warped, was hunched against the brick wall, inert. Twitchy leaned in, skating her fingertips on the thing. "Bubbly? Is that you?"

'Bubbly' was slick with algae, skin plastic and cold as death. Twitchy could see better now, realizing that a pair of legs sprouted from where a head should've beem. Her hand fell to the creature's stomach- where a living mass writhed and munched on the soft tissues.

Twitchy screamed and backpedaled, arms churning in the air, scattering the maggots in hundreds of little arcs. She scrabbled back, distancing herself from the creature, the dead Mannequin, sobbing loudly, "Bubbly! Where are you?"

A cool hand clasped her ankle from a darkened hollow in the sewer, which she kicked away in terror.

"Shh! Please," a familiar voice begged, tone thick with fright. She talked quietly, hardly above a whisper.

"Bubbly!" Twitchy exclaimed in relief.

"Shh!" Bubbly hissed savagely, digging her talon-like nails into the flesh. "Come here. No time to explain. Get in!"

Twitchy moved to crawl, only to be stopped by the grating, mocking chuckle of, "Well, well. Look what the Feral dragged in."

oOoOoOo

Arcade flitted through the debris eternally present in the residential area of Silent Hill, rifling through unlocked cars, heart pounding in her chest. She panted in desperation, withdrawing after another fruitless investigation to clutch handfuls of her hair and tug forcefully. She grunted in frustration, kicking her heels in the ash, stirring up gray clouds. Emilie hung around behind her, crossing her arms, a brown eyebrow cocked.

"What are you looking for?" she inquired, painfully unaware.

Arcade shushed her frantically, enveloping her in an embrace as she confided, "Something to defend ourselves with. Puppet could be anywhere."

"She was throwing axes at us! Those weren't good enough?" Emilie struggled against the tight hug.

"We need a long-range weapon. You know, a gun. An ax, while powerful, is still short-ranged. By the time we get in a chop to her shoulder, she'll have a throwing knife planted in between our eyes." Arcade pressed her finger to the girl's forehead for emphasis.

"Umm... I didn't know nurses were good with throwing knives," Emilie hesitantly responded.

"Don't underestimate Puppet," Arcade growled, releasing Emilie and returning to the crashed car.

Emilie sighed as she squinted at the dark gray, uniform shapes rising out of the paved streets, negotiating puffs of ash out of her long blonde hair and brushing it off her pink dress. Her matching hairband had long since been lost to the devious clutches of this hellish town, given to a nurse in exchange for directions.

_Clang._

The noise was hardly audible, detected only by Emilie's hearing, superior to that of Arcade's. It was metallic in nature, like a hailstone falling on a tin roof. In any other place, it would be another ambient sound, but here, her mind flew to the multiple horrible things contained in the fog. Could it be Tuberculosis, her diligent protector, come to slay anyone who dared come near her?

_No. _TB wasn't the type to lurk; he would've pounced by now and flayed Arcade, who excitedly snatched a revolver from the compact car's glove compartment.

"Arcade..." Emilie nervously tapped Arcade's shoulder.

"Hold on... there's only one bullet in here. There has to be more..." Arcade dismissed her with a shaky wave of her hand.

A bulky shape flew from one rooftop to the next, oddly graceful. That shape straightened, its outline revealing a thin, sharp object clasped in its awful paw. The arm coiled...

In a silver flash, that thin, sharp object whizzed just past Emilie, embedding its cruel point into the back of Arcade's veiny thigh in a scarlet burst, dripping down her calf and onto her lingerie.

"Augh!" she shrieked in agony, collapsing on the seat, wrapping her hands around the injury as blood welled between her fingers. She visibly debated with herself whether to pull the knife out or not, her hand dancing back and forth.

"Arcade!" Emilie squeaked, rushing to the nurse's side. She never expected to care this much for a creature who she knew as the feminine beast constantly trying to kill her.

"You've got... to get outta here, kid..." Arcade rasped, laying back on the passenger seat.

"I can't go without you!" The revolver was shoved into her grip; with trepidation, she accepted it.

"She'll kill you, too," Arcade stated, resigned to her fate. A red puddle formed beneath her.

With newfound determination, Emilie weighed the gun in her palm, contemplating it. Two shots. Two shots to make it count, and two shots to save herself and Arcade.

Puppet landed with a heavy thud near a garage, a horrendous smirk played across her cracked lips, revealing two rows of sharklike fangs.

_Hello, my pretty... step aside for just one minute and we can go our separate ways, forget this ever happened... _Puppet lurched closer.

"No." Emilie stubbornly refused to relinquish an inch of _terra firma _to the monstrosity. If only Daddy could see her now. Then again, it was probably best not to wish for that, as he was adamantly opposed to his daughter handling anything resembling a firearm. She outstretched the revolver, aiming down its barrel. She mimicked the cops on television, stating, "Drop whatever weapon, back away, and we can go our separate ways, forget this ever happened." She couldn't resist throwing in a jibe at Puppet.

_So you're defending Arcade, are you? _Puppet's bright scarlet tongue worked over her teeth. _How noble of you. _Her joints popped as she sauntered in.

"I said to back away!" Emilie hadn't the resources to fire a warning shot into the air. She could potentially scrabble for a box of ammo, but there wasn't a guarantee that she'd find one. And Puppet was unnaturally fast and cunning; it was inexorable that she'd take every opportunity that came her way and attack Emilie.

As Arcade slipped into unconciousness, Emilie gulped and pulled back the revolver's hammer.

"Well, then," she snarled. "Come at me."

**I hope the cliffhangers of this chapter will make up for me updating so criminally late. I LOVE YOU ALL, I SWEAR! And thanks for sticking with me, despite my schedule or lack therof.**


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